Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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