this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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