Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
