I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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