just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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