apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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