I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
