I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
