im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
