This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
