She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
