You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
