Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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