Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
