he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
