If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
