Don't make out with my wife yet
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
