please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
