Im at strip club and am horny
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize