I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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