I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
