I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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