your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
