I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
