I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
whose ass print is on the piano?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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