the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize