i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
