the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
is it fun? or sober?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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