I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
