THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
