How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
