You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
