This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
