i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
