she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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