He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
