I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
