I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
