I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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