I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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