Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
