Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
