& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
