i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he fucked my hip out of place.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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