So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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