Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had sex on a roof
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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