I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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