My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
