I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
