Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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