She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
