Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
