I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
