My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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