So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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