U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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