my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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