I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize