Is it normal to miss your booty call?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
