3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
