she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
