you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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