Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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