So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize