With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
