The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
