You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
