just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
