they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
