He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His nipple licking is glorious
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