he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
