Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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