I wish I only lived at night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
