In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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