Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
