she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
